Coffee, Shoes, and Ramblings

Another shameless mommy blog 

Both of my sons were due on January 28. Remarkable as they are four years apart. One came a week early, one came a week late. And it fits their personalities. One came into the world yelling and ready to take it all on. Hungry, for food, for life, for all it had to offer. A charmer, he wins the hearts of all who know him.  One came into the world quite and peaceful, with his own timetable, observant, sure of himself, sweet and never meeting a stranger. One of the greatest compliments I ever got was from a person who said, “I don’t like kids, but I like yours.”

 One cried and was fussy, one never cried. Both are a testimony to the truth that holding a child as much as he wants doesn’t spoil him. Born four years and a continent apart, both were born in the middle of a snow storm. When the first was born, I sat and watched the snow falling outside in a quiet German town hoping only good things for him. His birth was so easy and pain free, that I would have had another nine months later.  It took four years for his brother to make an appearance in a town with a German name, also a quiet pain free birth with family around and a fire in the fireplace. He looked around and promptly went to sleep for so long that when he finally woke and cried we were wondering what the sound was. My snuggly little boys with their imaginary friends, listening to stories and everything that came out of their mouth was shear genius and brilliant.  Baby will be 18 on Sunday and the looming threat of snow reminds me that snow brings good things. As I think of him over the years, going his own way, thinking his own thoughts, hanging upside down from the monkey bars til he almost passed out and had to call for help to get down, to make himself grow taller, I wish I could go back in time for a day and read them stories, take them camping and listen to them talk.

This weekend was all about the cake, a bit of rapier fighting and Newbie.  Did troll at Newbie for a while. We had 170 troll in. That’s amazing as probably 70 were brand spanking new. Met some Conway folks that are interested in fighting and will come to our next fighter practice. I tried rapier fighting. In a dress. It was a lot of fun, foot work and I only got stabbed twice, in the same very tender spot. But I liked it, not as much as heavy weapons, you don’t get that satisfying smack of hitting hard, but still it has a lot to offer. After I get my stuff together for heavy I think I’ll give rapier a go as well. Being able to fight in a dress, is well, interesting. Great classes at Newbie, and good merchant options as well.

Made this  but in a layer with cream cheese frosting for Sara’s birthday. Made Coconut Cake for my dad. It was birthdays all around. Went to sing with my dad Sunday, his favorite thing to do. It was quite funny at first and ended up making me weepy thinking about my gma. Not as blue today, but now I have the “I don’t really care where I live and mostly don’t care what my job is as long as it doesn’t involve plucking chickens. (if you live in Arkansas you probably get that.) I’m half heartedly applying for jobs, and wishing I could win the lottery. I’m not really ambitious and I dont’ want to pack and move.  Its winter and I really should be hibernating or sewing as its two weeks til I get on a plane to Estrella.

I didn’t get the call about the job I interviewed for on Tuesday. They said they would make a decision by the end of the week. I pretty much figured by yesterday I wasn’t going to get it. So I was going to have a pity party but my sister, niece and friend MG drug me off to the fitness center yesterday and we walked and then went to my favorite restaurant so the pity party didn’t happen, but its brewing, hince the blue theme.

As someone pointed out, its only two weeks to Valentines Day. Whoo HOO. While I love to love the people in my life and bake them cookies and force them to eat chocolate. I’ll be celebrating, for myself, what I recently heard termed as “National Single’s Awareness Day.” Yes that’s right. Everywhere there are couples events, dinners, concerts, flowers delivered to the office. All that crap about what my significant other got me for Valentines Day and what did you get? GRR. Make me vomit.  And what aobut the poor single? Who cares for the plight of the single? Without help, singles may become extinct, (since they sure can’t procreate.)

And So What do these two things have in common? Turning down offers and whining about it later.  Otherwise known as holding out for what you really want. That makes you feel all proud and sure of yourself and also unemployed and lonely.  Sheesh. I need to go run or swim or something.

This is the first year in I don’t remember how long that I didn’t eat black eyed peas on New Years. And you know what?

I have a speeding ticket.

I don’t have a permanent job.

I owe the IRS money on my taxes.

My plumbing is possessed of Satan.

My dryer, that I got last fall, is broke.

I had to replace most of the lightbulbs in my house.

My car will need tires in 2,000 miles.

Coincidence? Time will tell. It could just be the ratties are getting back at me for the poison.

Warning sickly sweet mommy talk!

I don’t talk about my kids a lot on the blog, cause they are old enough to be mortified and bold enough to let me know it. But I’m feeling brave this week so here goes. My daughter is one of only three people I’d die for and one of four people that I have ever loved more than anything else on the planet. I love a lot of people don’t get me wrong, just not like these special people.

When my husband and I were young and crazy in love we would look at our daughter and say, “that’s us.” We were just two dumb teenagers, but we knew we wanted children, and wanted them Now. For some reason, the world’s most beautiful, smartest, and sweetest little girl was born to us. She was a blend of the best of both of us, created by our love. We had a poem, “You’ve got daddy’s eyes, mommy’s nose, mommy’s fingers and daddy’s toes, daddy’s chin, mommy’s hair.” It goes on but I will spare you.

It is the most amazing thing to look at your child and think, I made that! Look, that toddler charming the world, I made that! Look, that smart, sensible little girl, talking like a grown up, I made that! Look at those legs, that skint knee, that gap toothed smile, that report card, that candy striper, that graduate. I made that.

As a parent, when you are in the trenches you sometimes forget why you are sacrificing, making these choices, doing these things that seem crazy to many people. When they grow up and you are alone, you sometimes forget why your career sucks (choices biased on the good of the family.) Why you live where you live, go to church where you do, etc. (More choices based on the good of the family.)

Then something comes along to remind you that you are responsible for giving the world someone great, good, beautiful (ok maybe that’s just genetics), smart, creative and fun. Wow! I made that! My baby girl will be 25 in about six weeks and this last week, this blew me away. Wow! Not only is she smart, accomplished and beautiful, she is funny too. I made that and I couldn’t be prouder.

This is turning out to be the theme song for the week for several areas:

Darling you got to let me know
Should I stay or should I go
If you say that you are mine
I’ll be here ’til the end of time
So you got to let me know
Should I stay or should I go

It’s always tease, tease, tease
You’re happy when I’m on my knees
One day is fine, the next is black
So if you want me off your back
Well come on and let me know
Should I Stay or should I go

Should I stay or should I go now
Should I stay or should I go now
If I go there will be trouble
An’ if I stay it will be double
So come on and let me know

Apparently, I brought my first place underwear, I was offered the job I’ve been fretting over, but had to turn it down. Why? money money money. I’m not a kept woman, I pay my own way and I like shoes, good coffee, road trips, groceries, electricity and things like that. Several of those things would have to go if I took that job.

I kept thinking to myself, “I’m worth more than that.” Job hunting has a lot in common with people hunting. Flirt a little see what happens.   If you do it right you both walk away smiling.

Well, I had a nice trip to Mississippi this weekend. Watched a potential street fight, (interesting story that) visited the deliverance store and had some lovely catch up time with lovely friends that I don’t get to see often enough. I got to see Finna face to face, and she’s really sweet. Didn’t get to talk to her much, I’m shy sometimes, believe it or not. I had some very interesting car talks. I always say the best way to make friends is take a road trip. By the end of it, you are friends, or you hate each other, either way you know a lot about the other person. Like they are handy in a street fight and just good people.

Got home late Sunday and was very happy there wasn’t ice and snow to drive through. My dog stayed with Amber’s roommate so she wouldn’t freeze to death.  I don’t know what she fed her, (I had brought enough dog food for both days) She might have scarfed cat food and the other dogs food and who knows what else. But the minute I got her home, got unpacked and laid down, she started barfing and barfing and barfing. I finally had to crate her cause it just wouldn’t stop and I didn’t want it all over my house in the morning.

Tonight? I scrubbed carpets,.

I also scrubbed the bathroom and about an hour after that, the toilets overflowed. Of course the toilets overflowed. I had just finished mopping, what better time? I’m so glad it was only water. It’s just crazy. So then I had to do laundry, plunge the toilets and bathtubs and reclean everything. Lovely.

Anything to take my mind off the other two issues. I was offered a job today, after the third interview. Whoo HOOO. Good news. Bad news? It’s a $7000+ cut in pay from my last job. Oh think of the shoes, oh think of the electric bill. OOHH kiss retirement good by. I’m not sure I can accept this job with this pay. I’ve worked too hard, gone to school too long for this. Crap Crap Crap. I have another interview tomorrow and hopefully it will be a better fit.

Conversation today:

Me: This stuff is too complicated, I think I’m going to join a convent.

Sara: We had this conversation.

Me: I can’t remember what we decided?

Sara: You wouldn’t be a fit for a Nunnery, a Whinery maybe.

I know what my problem is. I’ve been blocking the flow of chi from my front door to my bedroom, but its not really my fault. You see the chi would have to make a left and go down the hall and I’m not sure if it can turn corners. 

You know what’s really bad? A slightly hyper person who has no nicotine or sugar to slow them down, who is tense about the second job interview and has way too much energy. That would be me. Ha.

Notice I didn’t say anything about giving up caffeine. That was an accidental fluke. So, this morning I tried on like, 20 different shirts. I already knew which one I was going to wear with my interview suit, but still, one of the others might have been better. Every time I took off my jacket, my dog sat on it causing me to yell, “Get off my jacket…insert naughty word here.” Fun morning.

Went to work, time to leave, all the printers conspired to make my life a living )(*& and then I got printer ink all over my hands. The only reason I didn’t have food on me is cause I didn’t eat. Ha!

I did fret over not having first place underwear. It might cost me the job. A friend of ours was recently told he needed to bring his first place underwear to a list he will be fighting in. Apparently that advice plus the quote, “Don’t go to play, don’t go to be ‘good enough’ go to win or just stay home,” and some other advice he’s collecting for this really big list. We’ll see how it plays out.

Second interview today, was more nervous for some reason, maybe because I need a job and the reality of that has kicked in.

Someone this week said, “all those people with no bad habits are going to feel really stupid someday lying in the hospital dieing of nothing.” So I think I’ll keep the coffee habit and get addicted to something else, like exercise. Can that kill ya? I went to walking circle with OS today and did two miles, (1/2 mile running, thank you very much). It’s the walking circle cause its inside and its just a big circle, nothing to see here.

They will let me know Thursday if I got the job or someone else did. ARRGH, (a word you can’t text apparently) Dammit (another word not able to text, who knew they had censors?) I was freaking out before the interview while working with the crazed printers, and trying to text these age-appropriate words and just gave up in disgust.

So I realized that watching Pride and Prejudice in all its forms hundreds of times, watching all the other Jane Austen movies, and reading Jane Austen’s novels multiple times makes me have lots of random quotes for things. Not quite like When Harry Met Sally, there is a line from that movie that will fit every occasion. But still:

From Persuasion:

“I must go, uncertain

of my fate, but I shall return

'or follow your party

as soon as possible.

'A word, a look will be enough

'to decide whether I enter your

father's house place of business, this evening...

'or never.'

Sheila, for lack of a better word, is good.

Which movie was this quote from?