What is the deal with the phones?

 

Well back in 1876 an ol’ boy named Bell
Invented a contraption that we know so well
By the 1950’s they’re in everybodys home
It’s a crazy little thing they call a telephone
Now there’s one in every corner,in the back of every bar
You can get one in your briefcase,on a plane or in your car

Chorus:
So tell me why,haven’t I,heard from you
Tell me why,haven’t I,heard from you
I said now darlin’,honey,what is your excuse
Why haven’t I heard from you

Well there’s no problem gettin to me baby you can dial direct
I got call forward and call waitin’ you can even call collect
the service man he told me that my phone was workin’ fine
And I have come to the conclusion trouble isn’t with my line
I’m sure the operator will be glad to put you through
So dial zero for assistance if this all confuses you

Chorus:
So tell me why,haven’t I,heard from you
Tell me why,haven’t I,heard from you
I said now darlin’,honey,what is your excuse
Why haven’t I heard from you

There’d better be a flood
A landslide of mud
A fire that burns up the wires
And thunder so loud with black funnel cloud
A natural disaster I know nothin about

Chorus:
Tell my why,haven’t I,heard from you
Tell me why,haven’t I,heard from you,yeah
I said now darlin’,honey,what is your excuse
Why haven’t I heard from you

Reba Mcentire, Why haven’t I heard from you?

And thats all I got to say about that.

Rambling Rose

This isn’t the post I was supposed to post today. But after reading Robbin’s succinctly put post of 7-19-07  I have been thinking about what she said.

First of all, Ouch. I like to think I love people enough to be strong and noble and only think of their good. I am human however and as Elizabeth said, “how can I promise to be wiser than so many of my fellow creatures if I am tempted, or how am I even to know that it would be wisdom to resist? All that I can promise you, therefore, is not to be in a hurry.” (Pride and Prejudice) and the truth is probably a bit more down to earth.

How strong are we anyway? Robbin nailed it in a way that if I could have said it, it would have not been near as clear and would have used way too many extra words.  Love, is patient, kind, … That is the ideal, and yet, there is a God and it ain’t you. Meaning we can’t hit that ideal, just reach for it. God has expectations of people. Yes he loves us, but he expects things from us too.  Even a parent-child relationship should have some expectations from the other person or you get a horrible person with an unreal sense of self-importance. And in adult relationships you should have expectations and not be afraid to stick with them.

Robbin has a good point saying,”The romanticism of our modern society likes to make such an ideal out of the concept of unconditional love – the self-sacrifice, the constancy, the faith.”, because that is the message we get. You are selfish, or you are sacrificial. Aren’t we all a mixture? Some of us lean one way more than other on occasion. But love shouldn’t mean you are a doormat, because that doesn’t make anyone happy.  I was thinking on my long drive home Sunday about how people usually say things like, “I’m not selfish” or “I’m not mean” when that is usually the thing they really are. (just random ramblings related to popular music and its warped view of love)

Aren’t we all a little selfish? I mean, you have to get something out of the relationships you have or you wouldn’t have them. Right? I think we talked about that last year. On some level you are getting something out of that relationship or you wouldn’t invest time or anything else on it. And having expectations of the other person isn’t a bad thing. It’s the unrealistic expectations that should be checked. Like that one person will meet all your needs, fix all your brokenness, entertain you and make all the bad in your world go away. Talk about a heavy burden. Or expecting more from someone then they are able to provide. You have to give people the freedom to be where and who they are.

Sheila

I think I’ve been here before.

You know I think that online dating ads are the funniest things ever written. I mean people say they want a “good woman” Don’t they really mean they want a bad woman? And what is a “real woman?” Is that opposed to a Barbie Doll with a voice box and a programmable disc you can change if the mood strikes you? I don’t know any unreal women. Unless the cyborgs have gotten so complex we can’t tell who they are now.

So anyway, periodically optimistic as I am, I scroll through the online ads, much like car shopping or shoe shopping. (which is the danger of online shopping, you just look and never make a purchase.) And I find the guy with the picture of toast. Oh yes, and I copied it to prove I didn’t make it up. That is his profile picture, I kid you not.

Here is my list of pet peeves with personal ad photos:

*You without a shirt. It makes you look like you want to put someone in a barrel in your back yard.
*You in your bedroom. I’m glad you have one but I’m not ready to see it.
*picture from 1982.
*A picture of you with a woman in 1982.
*A picture of you at anytime with another guy. Which one is you? I’m glad you have friends, really I am.
*A black and white photo of you looking like a character from a movie or a rock star. Unless you are a rock star, but even then don’t you have a picture hanging out in your back yard or something?

I strongly suggest guys let their women friends see the pictures they have before they post them. They can tell you that a white wife beater isn’t your best look.
Also, if you have the same Yahoo picture up from five years ago, update it please. It just makes you look lazy. And most women aren’t into lazy men.

And speaking of lazy, fill out those little boxes on your profile. And spell most of the words correctly. It bothers some of us a lot. As in, “he’s so cute, but he can’t spell.” Yep, women think of things like that. And if you don’t fill out those little boxes on your profile it makes us think you are into taking shortcuts in other situations. “Just ask me what you want to know,” A guy really said that to me when I pointed out that I wished he would fill out his profile. (I was trying to give him a chance instead of just saying,) “loser, don’t contact me again.” If he can’t be bothered to share that information, what else was he hiding? I’ll never know because I was too lazy to ask him anything other than to fill out his profile.

Also, pointing out that I have nice boobs or don’t look my age isn’t going to get you anywhere. Pointing it out three different times surely won’t. Saying you think I’m cute might. Or try actually asking me an intelligent question that needs an answer.

Of course I’m not sure I’m a real woman, I might be a figment of someone’s really warped imagination.

Hate it when that happens

when you get bits of a song stuck in your head, can’t google it cause that would mean you had access to the outside world. So by the time you get home you can’t remember what it was but its there like the remnants of a very good dream

 I think its this:

And never know the thrill of what could be
With every star so far and out of reach
I could live without many things
And I could carry on, but…

I couldn’t face my life tomorrow
Without Your hope in my heart I know
I can’t live a day without You
Lord, there’s no night and there’s no morning
Without Your loving arms to hold me
You’re the heartbeat of all I do
I can’t live a day without You

I could travel the world
See all the wonders beautiful and new
They’d only make me think of You
And I could have all life offers
Riches that were far beyond compare
To grant my every wish without a care
Oh, I could do anything, oh yes
But if You weren’t in it all…

could be this:

Lost in this moment with you
I am completely consumed
My feeling’s so absolute
There’s no doubt
Sealing our love with a kiss
Waited my whole life for this
Watching all my dreams come true
Lost in this moment with you

Weekend ended with me staying Sunday night and leaving at 2:30 to drive back to work on time  Monday . Made it with five minutes to spare. 

 Tuesday or Wednesday was late to work because there was this perfect blend of sweet snugglee warmness and the air was a just right cool temperature. The pillows all surrounded me, cuddling just right, and I was having the best dreams. Needless to say many snooze alarms were involved.

Lugh this weekend, researching an A and S project I’ve been kicking around in my head for a while. And I’m almost afraid to say, Pensacola next weekend. You see, the last time I went to Orange Beach/Pensacola, was a month before Katrina.

Now I’m not taking credit, but the time before I went to Foley/Orange Beach/Pensacola? Andrew.

Reviews/Summer Lovin

I love the way Hollywood makes it seem like summer and fall can change your life forever. You don’t get as many winter and spring movies about new beginnings and changes.

Nerd Girl Rocks Paradise City: A True Story of Faking It in Hair Metal LA: Books: Anne Thomas Soffee

Ok, short and sweet. I think Anne Thomas Soffee watched a lot of Gilmore Girls and based her character on Lane.

She took about half the book to get to the point. She likes Rockers. She wants to rock. But instead she sleeps with roadies and whoeverelse is available and doesn’t spend much time rocking. She’d rather get drunk. She gets a really good job, it goes away. She goes to grad school. She sees Danzig a lot and a few other rockers a little. Its like your friend is drunk and telling you a story but keeps forgetting the point and dragging it out.

This isn’t a deep review, but the book really wasn’t deep. She had a drinking problem. She solved it. She lived happily after.

Pirates of the Caribbean: At World’s End (2007)

Johnny Depp is Hot, everyones teeth looked better. A few parts were just too graphic for kids. I don’t need to see heads go flying and lots of blood to know someone is dead. I want to be pirate king. Having seven years (or is it 10) with Johnny Depp and one day every seven years (or 10) with Orlando Bloom isn’t a bad way to live.

Summer Reading:

How Stella Got Her Groove Back: Books: Terry McMillan

I like the book and the movie. Its good easytoread summer fun. The movie makes me want to go to Jamica because the water is just lovely. The book is better than the movie. A 42 year old woman getting her grove back, her life back and finding herself.

The Love Letter: Books: Cathleen Schine

Yes another 42-year old finding love in the arms of a man half her age. Light summer reading and way better than the movie. Beautifuly written.

Summer lovin’, had me a blast
Summer lovin’, happened so fast
Met a girl crazy for me
Met a boy cute as can be
Summer days drifting away
To, uh oh, those summer nights

Well-a, well-a, well-a, uh!
Tell me more, tell me more
Did you get very far?
Tell me more, tell me more
Like does he have a car?

She swam by me, she got a cramp
He ran by me, got my suit damp
Saved her life, she nearly drowned
He showed off splashing around
Summer sun, something’s begun
But, uh oh, those summer nights

Well-a, well-a, well-a, uh!
Tell me more, tell me more
Was it love at first sight?
Tell me more, tell me more
Did she put up a fight?

Took her bowling in the arcade
We went strolling; drank lemonade
We made out under the dock
We stayed out till ten o’clock
Summer fling don’t mean a thing
But, uh oh, those summer nights

Tell me more, tell me more
But you don’t gotta brag
Tell me more, tell me more
‘Cause he sounds like a drag

He got friendly holding my hand
Well, she got friendly down in the sand
He was sweet, just turned eighteen
Well, she was good, you know what I mean
Summer heat, boy and girl meet
But, uh oh, those summer nights

Tell me more, tell me more
How much dough did he spend?
Tell me more, tell me more
Could she get me a friend?

It turned colder; that’s where it ends
So I told her we’d still be friends
Then we made our true love vow
Wonder what she’s doin’ now
Summer dreams ripped at the seams
But, oh, those summer nights
Tell me more, tell me more.

4th Annual Ficticuous BBQ

The fourth annual ficticious BBQ started much like the other BBQ’s. A chance to enjoy summer, meet new people and just have fun.

This year came with a twist. It was at Justin and Jen’s house, Their dogs are very freindly and sweet. Enabler Dan and Kerry brought a watermelon. Soaked in Vodka. Enabler Dan also had a treat for Justin’s fictious birthday. He so thought it was Justin’s birthday and the party game was “Edward 40 Hands.” I’ll let you figure that one out. Let’s just say it involved duct tape.

 Jen and Justin have a special bathroom. It likes to take hostages. More than one person got stuck in there and had to call for help. As the night went on, people left and just a few hearty mates, (OS and Trixie of course, they started the ficticious bbq saga) and a few others remained to watch poor Justin bravely try to slog on. We were having a great time bonding on the deck when Trixie decides she has to pee. (if you know her you know that happens about every hour, especially on a road trip, just so’s ya know)

So anyway. Everyone is out on the deck. We’ve been discussing how the door is locking people in. So I have a choice. Lock the door and take my chances, or leave in open and hope no one comes in on me. Well I’m a weenie so I take option number one. And sure enough. the door locks.

Now, picture all your peps outside, well, enjoying watermelon that Enabeler Dan keeps pushing on them. Talking and laughing and not hearing the banging of the person stuck in the loo. So I spend about 15 minutes jiggeling the door. I try my sunglasses to push the lock open. They are too big. I rifle through the bathroom of people I don’t know very well looking for sharp objects Nothing. this is the spare bathroom. So no sharp anything.

I consider my options. Panic and break the door down. (good thing I’m not clastraphobic.) Sit and wait until someone has to go or misses me. (remember the watermelon, that ain’t likely.) Then I think.

Wait.

What would Macgyver do?

I look at the door. I see the hinges have metal pin/pegs on them that push out. The first pin/peg thingy has a door stop attached. I grab the door stop thing, tug it up and it comes off! Ok we can do this! I flip the pin/peg thingy over and use it to push the other two pin/pegs out. The door is off its hinges! I open the door. I reattach the pin/pegs. I wash the goo off my hands. I wash the goo off the door. I walk outside.  

I’m not a whore so don’t holler at me from the motel balcony

You can call my 1-800 number like everyone else.

So anyway, tonight me and MG went out for some cheap single girl fun. (Modern Woodman Dinner and a forced venture to a Mary Kay “before and after” event) (Total spent all evening? $8, boy do I have will power (and a sister who would be mightly upset if I bought Mary Kay from anyone but her.)

So we are leaving the Mary Kay thing which was held in the meeting room at a local motel which I used to think was nice but now I think is skanky and I’m sorry that I told my aunt and uncle to stay there when they came to town last year cause most of the people there were wearing dirty wife beaters, and looked to be cooking meth.

Ok this one is for the guys. WHAT part of hollering at a women you don’t know off the side of a motel balcony is sexy? Let me just say those guys had a better chance of scoring if they went inside and used the free motel toothbrush.

Its not like we were tarted up. We had on MOM clothes. MG had on a cute Mom jumper and t-shirt and I had a plain t-shirt and simple skirt, and ok maybe, fuck me shoes, but you couldn’t see them and they were job interview shoes.
So what gives? Are whores using Mary Kay to get pretty enough to earn the dough to pay for it? Is this a surban trend I’m unaware of? (Urban moms turn tricks to pay for Mary Kay? Use pink reciepts.) 

Is it too much to ask?

So I give Mr. Askmeoutalready my phone number. He gives me his. I say, I probably won’t call you cause my mom said nice girls don’t call boys. He said, My mom said something about the three day rule. That was six days ago.

Can one of us not do math?

In the immortal words of Charlotte:

“I’ve been dating since I was fifteen. I’m exhausted. Where is he? My hair hurts.” -Sex in the City

Some ramblings

Is the good supposed to outweigh the bad? or is the fact there is good at all supposed to be enough?

Monday I got my car back from getting its new motor.

Saturday it died.

Monday found out it needed a new starter. So keeping in mind I’ve been unemployed for oh, five months now and just started a job, consider that I’ve spent about $2,500 in car repairs in the last week. THAT’S A HELL OF A LOT OF SHOES. Or a really nice cruise. Get it back today, it won’t start. They were really sweet and had it re-fixed in an hour.
Consider my new job- won’t have access to the outside world. and some of that outside world keeps me sane. Oh, and pj day. Did I mention pj day? That’s the day that well… Look to the left, look to the right. If you are at work right now, do you really want to see those people in pj’s?

Someone at my new job asked me if I was participating in pj day. I said are you all buying me dinner? oh and breakfast? cause that’s what it will take.

The puppy I was going to adopt on Saturday died of parvo. RIP Lizzie.

So, I’m just saying, if you have any bad shit for me, can you keep it for a while? I think I’ve used up my quota for the year.

Oh, and I did get some good news today, a gift card from my sister for helping with the wedding. That was sweet.

Updated version

Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuckity fuck fuck

So while I was writing that fucking post above. Which by the way my teachers always said a really educated person should be able to talk with out resorting to “swear words”

Anyway while I was writing that post, the fucking swimming pool hose blew. resulting in a trip to Lowes to buy a hose and intimdate a sales girl “see honey, this is what rosemary looks like” How nice. What I wanted to say is WHY THE FUCK DO YOU WORK IN GARDEN CENTER WHEN YOU DON”T KNOW PLANTS.

I’ve had just about enough thank you very much.

WHO wants the fucking drama fairy? BITCH IS going to be drowned, ran over, and a few more sordid things.

What do Trixie and a cave man have in common?

Even my horoscope can’t decide:

Wednesday, June 6th, 2007 PST

 

Libra (Sep 23 – Oct 22)

You could experience one of your recurring patterns today, where two solutions to a problem are equally attractive. Although you want your freedom, you also want love. This means that you may have to surrender some of that very same independence you desire. Even if you are leaning toward the intimacy and inclusion, keep your travel options open.